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We have now been in England for almost 4 weeks. My overwelming feeling is relief that I am no longer responsible for any of the hassles at Isibani Sethemba. AED still has not paid any contractually agreed grant money over since February and owes the organisation over £150,000. Yet they asked for reports and took the credit for work that we did up to the end of June. Paul is still trying to help out with the fight to get this money out of them, but I really can't face having anything more to do with them.
I am sleeping better now. We are still playing the waiting game; waiting for my reregistration as a doctor to come through, waiting to move into our new house in 10 days time, waiting for children's term time activities to start up so that the children can meet others and make new friends. But at least now we are waiting in pleasant surroundings and a peaceful environment (apart from a few riots!). It is great to be able to drink water out of the tap without worrying whether it has been poisonned and to walk down the road without wondering whether an ex-employee will try to run me over. Monty said to me today that he is not having so many bad dreams now, and asked if BFG works in this area!
We are excited about moving to Clfiton. Although it has a bad reputation, its crime statistics are a third of Lenton's or Wandsworth's. Some of the people may be a bit rough, but we feel that we will have oppurtunities to reach out to those around us and share our faith more than we might do in a middle class environment. It will be a joy to have nieghbours who speak the same language as us. Our house backs onto open fields so we are really right on the edge of the city, which is a blessing as I still love the countryside. We are starting off with hardly any furniture and few possessions and will have to live simply to start off until we get some more income coming in. I am looking forward to putting my interior design course into practice (after I earn some money).
We are in our final week at Ingwavuma. Things have continued to be tough, but I think we are turning the corner. After removing the deputy director, we were left with 4 key personnel and 3 vacancies. Of the 4, one died, one went off with stress and one came to me saying he wants to resign! Last week we were truely wondering if the organisation would continue or not. But thankfully we now have in place an acting director; Vee, who knows the organisation very well. One vacancy has been filled with a wonderful, caring and capable Zulu nursing sister. A dear friend who is a doctor with management experience has applied for the director's post and we have good applicants for the other vacancies.
While I thought that leaving PEPFAR would give the new director a clean slate and an easier workload, it seems that USAID closeout procedures mean that AED will continue to hassle Isibani Sethemba for about another 6 months. The managers will have to recruit someone to the role of dealing with all these tedious requirements (e.g. accounting for the whereabouts of every stapler that we ever bought with their money in the last 4 years). I have just been reading in Matthew about how we are blessed when people persecute us, bad mouth us and misunderstand our motives when we work for the Lord. I have to say that AED has been a great blessing and I will leave without feelings of bitterness towards them!
I still can't take it in that we are really leaving for good. Impi is going to live with Busi, who cared for the children so well over the last year. They get on well. The house sale and car sale are in God's hands and we have friends who are willing to oversee and assist where needed. We are all packed except a few day's clothes. We are going to spend our last 3 nights at some luxury game parks. I felt I needed something positive to look forward to apart from getting on the plane and I hope the children will retain some great memories of South Africa.
When we get back I think we need a period of space for adjustment and to assimilate all that has happened. I have been feeling very mixed up; happy, at peace but also tearful and unable to sleep so exhausted. Thankfully we do not need to rush into finding work in the UK and can have a break as we gradually find our feet. I think continuing home education is also a big plus for the children as they will not be having to adjust to school and strange routines.
I am feeling quite vulnerable at this time. Paul is away for the whole week; my parents are out of touch on holiday in Germany; our closest friends here have gone to Israel; Bongilane, next door, has moved away; 50 staff including Vee, who was my right hand man have left. At home the house is becoming quite bare as we are selling things we are not taking with us and the removal company is due to pick up our possessions on Friday.
I was hoping at this stage to be sitting back and just acting as a consultant to the new incoming director. I would have time to write up reminiscences, do some home visits to see what impact we have had and also clear out clutter in the office. Unfortunately, the incoming director does not appear to be taking up the reigns. She made a flimsy excuse to not turn up to the big leaving function last week and has shown no involvement and little interest in determining which staff will remain at the organisation. This week we have to make a final decision about whether she is the right person for the job and how to handle it if she is not. So in my vulnerability I have God as my strength and my shield. Orphan Care is ultimately in His hands and he has the power to make it continue or fail regardless of what we do.
Things that fulfilled me about 10-14 years ago, but no longer make me excited:
- Pioneering into uncharted territories.
- Learning about Zulu culture.
- Surgery.
- Writing successful funding proposals & bringing lots of money to an impoverished community.
- Employing more and more people who would otherwise be unemployed.
- Building new infrastructure where there was none.
- Zulu worship songs.
- Working in a cross-cultural environment.
Things that I feel passionate about now, but was not 10-14 yrs ago:
- My husband
- My children
- Learning in more depth about the Bible and history of the context when it was written.
- Home schooling/ elective home education.
- Growing as much fruit and veg of our own as possible.
- Finding out how to live as a good Christian example in my own culture.
- Becoming a more active citizen of my own country where I have the rights and responsibility to mold society.
Things that have not changed that much:
- My faith and devotion to God; this has grown stronger and more mature.
- Standing up against injustice and poverty; less passionate and idealistic, hopefully wiser.
Looking at these lists makes it clearer why we have decided that our time and season in Ingwavuma have come to a close.
Things I won't miss about Ingwavuma:
1. The electricity going off whenever there is a thunderstorm within 50km radius.
2. Having to drive 140km round trip to buy electricity vouchers. Having to drive 400km round trip to buy decent cheese etc.
3. Being grateful if the municipality supplies us with water more than 1 hour a week.
4. Some wildlife: The frogs being deafeningly loud after a storm, so that we can't sleep. Ticks, mosquitoes, scorpions.
5. A non-functional police force with increasing crime in the area.
6. Being a foreigner, which always causes hassles with any sort of contracts, driving license, banks etc.
7. Having kids shouting "Yah, Whitie" every time I walk past the creche or primary school.
8. Being accosted with "Give me your money" by kids, just because I am white.
9. Slow and limited internet connection; ropey mobile phone reception.
10. Increasing demands from funders for less money on one hand and increasing expectations and unionisation from staff on the other.
Things I will miss:
1. Impi, my faithful dog of 12 years.
2. The view from our house.
3. The spaciousness of our house.
4. Some wildlife: In game parks, beautiful birds around the house, interesting insects.
5. People always having time for each other.
6. The ease with which one can be open about one's faith.
7. A cleaner coming in 3 times a week & doing the ironing.
8. Impala Madras (Paul's specialty)
9. Coral trees in blossom in the winter
10. Impi, again!
I have not mentioned friends, because Ingwavuma is such a transitory place. The closest friends I had here no longer live here anymore, or are likely to leave in the next few years.
