Teach me your statutes

Paul — 2012-04-30

When I told of my ways, you answered me; Teach me your statutes!
                               - Psalm 119:26

I've been so blessed by Psalm 119:25-32. I've prayed through these 8 verses and meditated on them almost daily for nearly a year and new treasure comes forth all the time and they show no sign of being exhaustible. So much! Let me say one small thing for now.

In my Christian life I've always tried hard to fight sin, embrace Christ, to change and be transformed by the Holy Spirit. But... with limited success. It's so slow! "My soul melts away for sorrow" (verse 28) because of this, and it has done for 17 years. My Christian life has been like a "1001 ways to motivate yourself and grow as a Christian" book - one of those books that doesn't actually work. The progress I've made has been in spite of myself rather than because of any these strategies, human precepts and mental gymnastics. I've come to see that all these human strategies to motivate and change come under what the bible calls "Quenching the Holy Spirit". All my attempts to "help the Holy Spirit along", actually quench him.

When I pray that God will "Teach me your statutes!", what are his statutes?

Statutes (Hebrew: choq and chuqqah) are God�s regulations that must be strictly obeyed.
They are binding ordinances. The idea is of eternal truths that are fixed. They are
unchangeable.  To serve God a person must pursue and observe exactly what the Lord 
commands, therefore they are rules of conduct for His servants.

His statutes do not resemble any human strategy of change or framework for growth, so anything we try is not going to get even close. So what are God's eternal truths/rules of conduct for us? It is very, very simple in 3 or 4 words.

Firstly, obey. Set yourself to determinedly obey whatever you know God wants for you. Keep nothing back, don't plan a strategy for obedience, just have a 100% fixed intention to obey.
Secondly, repent. Each and every time you fail, take it to God. Not a general repentance which covers everything, but specific sorrow and remorse over each specific failure of the day that you know about. This is continual, but specific.
Thirdly, trust. Each time, in the face of the failure you repent of, your response is to swing back to number one, obedience, and the motive force is trust and only trust. Childlike trust. Not a trust that God will help you, but that God will be all in all.

Of course we know all this already, but the point is that to go beyond these three simple precepts will be to quench the Spirit. To only obey, repent and trust is exactly what the Holy Spirit wants to produce in us. It is the method and the goal all in one. To give up our own strength, to reach the end of ourselves and fully embrace child-like trust. Oh Glory! Then what might God do through us and we may not even be aware of it?

View from Monty's bedroom

Paul — 2012-04-30

Tree avoidance failure

Paul — 2012-02-06

Sledging

Paul — 2012-02-06

Grace in Early Greek Poetry

Paul — 2011-10-12

I've just read "The Age of Grace" by Bonnie MacLachlan about the history of the word "Charis", translated in the bible as "Grace".

Charis means a gift, and the root of the word is 'pleasure'. Charis is a gift that gives pleasure. If it doesn't give pleasure, then it's not charis. For example an athlete or a great warrior gives charis through their excellent performance. We would say they are "full of grace" or "graceful". She gives the example of Achilles in the Illiad. Achillies wins the battle and so gives everyone charis (grace). In return he expects some charis back in the form of a share of the loot. But Agamemnon gives him only a tiny portion. Achilles goes off in a huff saying he hasn't received charis from Agamemnon. Agamemnon then sends him a huge share of loot, more than he would have got before, but now Achilles says because he's upset at the earlier humiliation, he takes no pleasure in it, so it doesn't constitute charis. So, charis must be received with pleasure or else it's not charis.

The aspect of charis that is even more fundamental to the concept is that it must be reciprocal. A bit like if you invite someone round to dinner, you expect to be invited round to dinner by them in return. So Achilles expected charis in return for the charis he gave everyone in fighting so well. To not give return-charis was truly scandalous in the Greek culture, even immoral.

In Romans, Paul talks about the grace of God and says, "What then? Shall we carry on sinning to increase grace all the more?" That would have been obviously false and scandalous to Greeks. If you get a gift, the response is not to beg for more, or increase your need for more grace, but instead to do what you can to give something back that will give pleasure to the one who gave you grace. This is embedded in the concept of charis and engrained in the culture. So we receive grace from God and it is expected that we will return to him something that gives him pleasure. This is not a payment for grace, because grace is a free gift, but in the Greek concept of grace, it would be absolutely expected. How do we give God pleasure? God delights in us when we grow up into Christ. When we glorify God through Christ in us.

One way the Greeks would do it was to sing praise songs for e.g. an athlete, to keep their name alive. I think this is where the tradition of Christian praise songs comes from. Since I read about this, when I sing at church I turn over in my mind the comparison of our praise songs for Christ to the forgotten praise songs of forgotten Greek heros. Christ's praise outlasts civilisations and peoples and will truly last forever!

Running technique

Paul — 2011-10-05

I've been fortunate to attend a running coaching session at our church, and wanted to record what I learnt here, for future reference.

Body is to be straight, leaning forward so the ankles only are bent. Eyes on the horizon.
As the body leans forward, it wants to fall over, so the legs move to prevent that. The legs should be relaxed and the power comes mostly from the core muscles.
The foot should fall in the middle, on the outside and then circle round to the front.
The foot should land level with your body, so if you were to look down a bit you would just see your big toe.
Warmup is much more important than stretching. It should be about 10% of the run time, ditto for warm down.
It is dangerous to stretch in between the warmup and the run.
To keep your body straight, imagine a string pulling on the top of your head!
The legs and ankles should be relaxed, so that your feet flick up behind you, as if they're going to hit your bum.

The next session is on Saturday, so I'll update this then.

Understanding Islam

Paul — 2011-08-25

Last week, I got a free Qu'ran online, some leaflets and a book introducing Islam. So, being very far from an expert, but here are my first impressions.

Islam is very hot on God's power, uniqueness and mercy. Logically however, it has a much lower emphasis on God's justice, holiness and love. I heard a sermon illustration along these lines recently:

Suppose you came home to find a burglar had invaded your house, 
had raped and killed your wife and killed your children.  The burglar was caught
and came before the judge who said, "It has been proven that you did this terrible
crime.  But I am a judge who is full of love and mercy, and so I forgive you and set
you free.  What would you think of that judge?  He may be full of mercy, but he is 
certainly not just.  He shows love to the criminal, but not to you or others.  Far from
seeing that judge as being godly, you would see that judge as evil together with
the criminal he pardoned.  This is the case with us - we have hated, we have lusted,
and should God just wipe these sins away?  Our hate and greed have contributed 
towards terrible wars and atrocities.  To suppose God's standards of justice are as
low as we need them to be, is to make God in our image.  No, God is absolutely holy
and God is absolutely just.  Of course, he is absolutely loving and merciful too, and
Christianity bridges that seemingly unbridgeable gap with the marvellous 
intervention of God in Jesus Christ.

The Islamic conception of God is not just, holy or loving. The illustration above shows that it is not just; neither is the Islamic God holy - it can accommodate sin and balance a bit of good with a bit of sin - it is a God who compromises with himself and so not actually all-powerful or consistent. Neither is the Islamic conception of God loving. A loving God would find a way to help if such a way possibly exists, but there is nothing in what I've read about God actually helping people to have faith and obey. A Muslim is left to their own strength to submit and obey. A Christian is given great help from God and is changed to be enabled to submit and obey.

The Spiritual Life of Old Testament Prophets

Paul — 2011-08-23

I've always wondered what it looked like when God spoke to an old testament prophet. I've had an image of some kind of ecstatic drug-fueled and extreme ascetism fueled visions, as is common in primitive religions, but I had a feeling that the Jewish visionaries used different methods. I found the answer in 1 Peter 1:10-12:

Concerning this salvation, the prophets who prophesied about the grace that was to be
yours searched and inquired carefully, inquiring what person or time the Spirit of Christ in 
them was indicating when he predicted the sufferings of Christ and the subsequent glories. It 
was revealed to them that they were serving not themselves but you, in the things that have 
now been announced to you through those who preached the good news to you by the 
Holy Spirit sent from heaven, things into which angels long to look.

According to Peter, the prophets were aware of the "Spirit of Christ in them" and searched and inquired carefully of that Spirit. This language evokes a long-term commitment to study and meditate, to discover God through a kind of introspection. But it's not introspection because although it's looking inside yourself, it's looking at something that is not yourself. Do you know from experience this kind of study and prayer? Imagine the Spirit of Christ in you like a thing you can inspect, inquire of and search for, to commune with, in order to discover God's character over the course of years and decades.

More than that, as in Psalm 119:27: "Make me understand the way of your precepts, and I will meditate on your wondrous works". As we discover God's character, and his precepts, even the way of his precepts, we discover more about his way or working. Does this tell us about the devotional life of the old testament prophets? Is it a high water mark for us? Can we aim at it to encourage ourselves of what is possible?

Starting a new life

Ann — 2011-08-21

We have now been in England for almost 4 weeks. My overwelming feeling is relief that I am no longer responsible for any of the hassles at Isibani Sethemba. AED still has not paid any contractually agreed grant money over since February and owes the organisation over �150,000. Yet they asked for reports and took the credit for work that we did up to the end of June. Paul is still trying to help out with the fight to get this money out of them, but I really can't face having anything more to do with them.

I am sleeping better now. We are still playing the waiting game; waiting for my reregistration as a doctor to come through, waiting to move into our new house in 10 days time, waiting for children's term time activities to start up so that the children can meet others and make new friends. But at least now we are waiting in pleasant surroundings and a peaceful environment (apart from a few riots!). It is great to be able to drink water out of the tap without worrying whether it has been poisonned and to walk down the road without wondering whether an ex-employee will try to run me over. Monty said to me today that he is not having so many bad dreams now, and asked if BFG works in this area!

We are excited about moving to Clfiton. Although it has a bad reputation, its crime statistics are a third of Lenton's or Wandsworth's. Some of the people may be a bit rough, but we feel that we will have oppurtunities to reach out to those around us and share our faith more than we might do in a middle class environment. It will be a joy to have nieghbours who speak the same language as us. Our house backs onto open fields so we are really right on the edge of the city, which is a blessing as I still love the countryside. We are starting off with hardly any furniture and few possessions and will have to live simply to start off until we get some more income coming in. I am looking forward to putting my interior design course into practice (after I earn some money).

Relief at race being no issue

Paul — 2011-08-13

Being in Nottingham again, it is a noticeable relief to us that race is not remarked upon. In South Africa if we go for a walk with Nozi, we get people's (black people's, that is) eyes widen at seeing her with us. Here there are lots of black people and they don't notice at all. It's a really good mix in Nottingham - with a far higher proportion of black people here than the proportion of white people in Ingwavuma.

Moved back to the UK

Paul — 2011-08-10

Well, it's done! We're still trying to sell our house and car in South Africa, but we are now here in the UK for the foreseeable future, trying to break the record for buying a house fast. We've been enjoying church and trying not to rush around fixing up the house we let etc. We need space and routine to settle and to wait on God for the subject of the next chapter of our lives.

At the moment there are lots of riots around the UK, and it really shows me how this country needs God. Canning Circus police station was firebombed last night and this morning we could smell the smoke from our house. Young men looting for possessions is because they know of no greater treasure. Mobs attacking police because they normally feel powerless - that's because no-one has helped them become men who take responsibility for themselves, their family and their community. Instead they've been brought up to believe that others (especially the state) should take responsibility for them. I felt an urge to go street preaching this morning! But I think it's best not to go out half-cocked. I've never done street preaching, and I'm sure it will be best to go out with someone else the first time.

Last weekend in Africa

Ann — 2011-07-24

Magnificent bananas in the garden

Paul — 2011-07-19

A couple of years ago a friend called Mandla Dlamini brought us a couple of banana plantlings (he has a sizeable plantation at his home) and planted them for us. Now they are as pictured below. Unfortunately we are leaving Ingwavuma maybe 2 or 3 weeks too early to enjoy the first fruits, so this photo will have to do to remember them by!

The moral? One day someone else will eat the produce of your garden (John 4:37). Perhaps Ingwavuma Orphan Care will be like that, as it grows into more than it has been so far.

Bananas in the garden

Paul — 2011-07-19

Final days in Ingwavuma

Ann — 2011-07-19

We are in our final week at Ingwavuma. Things have continued to be tough, but I think we are turning the corner. After removing the deputy director, we were left with 4 key personnel and 3 vacancies. Of the 4, one died, one went off with stress and one came to me saying he wants to resign! Last week we were truely wondering if the organisation would continue or not. But thankfully we now have in place an acting director; Vee, who knows the organisation very well. One vacancy has been filled with a wonderful, caring and capable Zulu nursing sister. A dear friend who is a doctor with management experience has applied for the director's post and we have good applicants for the other vacancies.

While I thought that leaving PEPFAR would give the new director a clean slate and an easier workload, it seems that USAID closeout procedures mean that AED will continue to hassle Isibani Sethemba for about another 6 months. The managers will have to recruit someone to the role of dealing with all these tedious requirements (e.g. accounting for the whereabouts of every stapler that we ever bought with their money in the last 4 years). I have just been reading in Matthew about how we are blessed when people persecute us, bad mouth us and misunderstand our motives when we work for the Lord. I have to say that AED has been a great blessing and I will leave without feelings of bitterness towards them!

I still can't take it in that we are really leaving for good. Impi is going to live with Busi, who cared for the children so well over the last year. They get on well. The house sale and car sale are in God's hands and we have friends who are willing to oversee and assist where needed. We are all packed except a few day's clothes. We are going to spend our last 3 nights at some luxury game parks. I felt I needed something positive to look forward to apart from getting on the plane and I hope the children will retain some great memories of South Africa.

When we get back I think we need a period of space for adjustment and to assimilate all that has happened. I have been feeling very mixed up; happy, at peace but also tearful and unable to sleep so exhausted. Thankfully we do not need to rush into finding work in the UK and can have a break as we gradually find our feet. I think continuing home education is also a big plus for the children as they will not be having to adjust to school and strange routines.

Testing time in the last few weeks in Ingwavuma

Paul — 2011-07-10

We've got two weeks left in Ingwavuma. The week before last I was giving some training in Durban and as soon as I got back came down with a nasty cold which lasted for a week. This left me with some tight deadlines - to finish that consulting work and to prepare 6 hours of sermons by the end of this coming week. I've also got to take the car down for repairs before selling it, and we've got to arrange a farewell party for next saturday.

The farewell party is going to be a small thing and instead of the usual sort of praise-anecdote-thanks speeches at such an event, we've asked people to give a short word from the bible, to "impart a spiritual gift" as Paul says in Romans 1. If each person gives a word that is personal and important to them it should provide something good we can take with us.

Ann is going through the mill at work, as it suddenly transpired the incoming director was not suitable. So they have to recruit and hand over to an interim director. Although there are stresses now, when Ann thought she would be doing nothing, it might all prove to be for the best. The core team that remains is strong and has every chance of continuing and improving on the work.

The sale of the house is taking longer than hoped for, as the lease on the tribal land is taking a long time. We have to arrange for someone to house-sit and for someone else to be in charge of any sale logistics. It also looks unlikely that the car will be sold before we fly, so it might be that Ann will come back for a week later in the year to do some follow up work for Orphan Care, and also transfer the last of the money here.

Goodbye gathering at Embathisa

Paul — 2011-07-08

Beautiful bee-like insect

Paul — 2011-07-08

We walked along one of the 4 lakes around Kosi Bay

Paul — 2011-07-08

Wildness near Kosi Bay

Paul — 2011-07-08